In the not so distant past, I was critical, judgemental and was trying to live in logic and what I got from that was unhappiness, physical and mental issues (anxiety) and a deep darkness, from not being my true self.

Through prayer, blessings, going to the temple and counseling, my defensive wall came down and now I am able to see clearly, hear clearly, the anxiety is gone and my heart is open. I am now taking old wounds and hurts to Heavenly Father to be healed. I have learned through counseling that Heavenly Father brings forth people to touch old wounds to bring forth painful feelings, so I can take them to Heavenly Father to be healed. Until now, all of my wounds have been opened by my husband and gratefully those instances have turned out for the best and we have come a long way in healing and growing.

Recently, a situation with someone, who I have built a huge defensive wall, because of feeling criticized, judged and disliked has brought forth painful feelings and has brought back my wall of distrust. I have known this person for over a decade and learned very quickly to be on guard and hide behind my wall, so as to not be devastated by their comments and hurtful observations. I would always try and make excuses for their lack of compassion and the hurtful things that were said by telling myself that they didn't realize how they came across. I truly felt that under all the criticism, they were really good and maybe even kind but right this minute, I wonder!

My husband shared something with me that didn't feel right and made me feel bad, so I went to the source and asked for clarification and at that time shared my feelings and some fears, something I would have never done with this person in the past, because of my hurt feelings. I was shocked to my core, when I was met with absolute coldness, my question was answered with one short sentence and nothing else. I needed some clarification and asked for it and shared a little more, thinking that I was just being sensitive but was met with no compassion or empathy for my feelings and even more coldness, at least everything was clarified and now I don't feel bad towards my husband but now I don't really want to be around this person because of how shocked and hurt I am. I normally would talk too and share my feelings with the one who hurt me but because of how devastated I am, I don't have the heart for another annihilation, so I will pray and ask for help in forgiving and getting peace in my heart, so that I can be around this person without wanting to cry. I know that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing but learning and growing and experiencing forgiveness is hard and very painful, I pray that I can over come things in a timely manner.