With the help of my loving Lord in Heaven, I have learned a huge lesson. Through painful things come insight and knowledge and I have learned a great deal about myself.

Recently, I have been on a get healthy and strong kick. I never thought that I would love exercise or love to run, but I do. I can run for 5 miles straight and lift weights, do push ups and sit ups among other things, in the same session. I can and have done 3 hour sessions. If I don't do at least 1 1/2 hours, I feel like something is not right. I feel strong. I learned that I can mentally push through physical pain to achieve whatever goal I have set. I am physically tough, that was a recent insight.

On the other hand, I have a big, gushy heart and am very emotional and sensitive, not only to myself but others. I have recently learned that, I love this about me. I have compassion, tolerance, patience and am learning unconditional love. I never give up, even when I am told I should. If I love you, I will never give up trying to have a sold relationship with you. I don't always have the right words to express how I feel, but I never give up trying to find the right ones and I think that is a great quality to have.

When I thought about what I have learned about myself, I learned that I would rather be strong and tough physically and have a big, gushy heart, than be the opposite.

I hope, I can be an example to my kids; that you can be strong physically and that being compassionate and having a huge heart is also strong. You don't have to be hard and unbending emotionally to be strong, actually it is a weakness, that caring about others and standing up for them and yourself is being strong. Never giving up, is strong and always learning and growing intellectually, spiritually and emotionally is strong. I also learned that asking for assistance and advice is being strong and that admitting you made a mistake or a bad judgement is strong. I hope that I can be a good example to being honest, even in hard times. Honesty, is a lost art, as is loyalty. I will never give up hope or give up on loved ones. I am finally, finding things that I love about me. I want my kids to know that if someone makes you question the good things about you, then love that person for who they are, but never listen to what they say, if it makes you not want to be you. Everyone is unique and should be loved for their uniqueness.

Yesterday was very difficult for me, for many reasons, first and foremost, because I missed the three lights of my life. They all had a great day and that made me joyful. I wish I knew the key to fitting in with certain people, when I am me, it doesn't work, when I try to be a little less like me and a little more liberal, it doesn't work. I am not a judgemental person by nature and I like most people. I am pretty laid back about other people, just not myself. I worry constantly that I say the wrong thing and have hurt someone and that to me is devastating. I try desperately to not care, but alas, I do. I care about other people way to much, I really need to put me somewhere near the top of my caring list. Sometimes, I need to realize that the situation, is just not worth my time or emotion.

The kids started school today and I (as usual) had a hard time. My emotions go from one extreme to another. On one hand I am glad the kids will be back with friends and learning and expanding their knowledge. On the other I know that with all good things in life there are hard and even painful things in store. As much as I would love, that the world was a loving, embracing, fun filled way to learn and there was no pain, I know that is not how it works. Life is about learning and growing and the knowledge we gain from difficult situations and how we handle what life throws at us and how we treat others. I truly believe that we are meant to love others as GOD loves us and to learn to look for and see only the good in ourselves and others. As an observer (which I am more comfortable being) of life and others, I have found that those who put more value on worldly learning than spiritual, are usually the ones who give in to selfishness and strive for power, so they can feel important and be seen as smart and important and better than others. It truly saddens me that for the most part that statement is true. I feel that the way we treat others is more of an indicator of who we are and the power each of us holds within our spirits. Whether we chose to believe or not, we are spirit beings having a human experience not a human trying to have a spiritual experience. The most desirable knowledge to me is how to be unconditionally loving to all, even those who judge me and assume things about me, without actually knowing me at all and to always look for and see the good in everyone. I unfortunately have a childish side (becoming childish to interact with others who are childish) and find great excitement in playing with the heads of those who assume a great deal about me, but don't really take the time to get to know me. I seem to want to play a part for them and exaggerate that part to the hilt, since that is what they seem to think about me anyway. It is too much fun when they fall for the ploy, but a huge part of me mourns the true relationship we could have, if only they where open to the real me and actually wanted to get to know me. Oh well, here's to those wonderful few who really know me and love me for being me and those I truly know and love for them being them. To those who are confused about the meaning of life, when the real meaning of life is shown to you, whether it is on earth or after, if you care, you will be mournful of the lost chances of true friendship and love, I know I will. This little observation is for me and no one in particular.

We just returned from our family vacation and we had a great time. We went to Bear Lake with our good friends the Holbrooks. We went boating and rented wave runners. I love wave runners, jumping the waves at top speed is thrilling. I would love to make this a yearly activity. Riley, Abbey and Jon all got a little sun burned but surprisingly I did not. Hope next year is as fun as this one.

I just wanted to apologize to anyone that is offended by any emails I may forward. I pass along things I find informational or funny and for no other reason. I personally only take what benefits me in any form of communication and disregard the rest, the only exception is life and death and the parody of life and death and naively thought that others did as well. If you would like for me to not forward any emails just politely ask me to stop and I would be happy to oblige.